By Farouk Martins Aresa
Did women complain about men’s Viagra? Hell no, they accept it. So men should not complain about some ladies’ personal assistants. The daughter of a famous politician once claimed men are useless to her because most of them are weak before the age of thirty; even then, cannot fully satisfy her like her vibrators. The way some ladies behave, it must not catch on. Since men cannot live without women from cradle to grave, otherwise they may become extinct.
Why some ladies prefer fresh sperm donated to a vibrator to get pregnant baffles most of us. If the scientists are right, the X chromosomes existed long before the Y chromosomes while the world population of plants and animals increased. Women live longer than men and more boys die younger than girls because they love risky behaviour like wars, dangerous sports, and games.
Men are not weak. The Zulu king with a voracious sexual appetite cannot compete with vibrators, not to talk about mere mortals struggling to satisfy one or two girlfriends helping out madam on a pedestal, out of the goodness of their hearts. As if madam needs their help. If she does or needs any, drivers and house boys are willing to pitch in while Oga is out with girlfriends.
If what ladies really want is a man with the voracious sexual prowess like the Zulu king, they must say so. The glorification of vibrators amongst women, and within the knowledge of men is very insulting. This is why many men have gone back to school to learn how else to please their women. There are experts, professors and therapists lecturing on how to improve and reinvent sexual pleasure. Instead of vibrators, men must learn the miracle of thumb and index fingers.
We must admit the empirical facts that men love women’s company and can hardly do without ladies at any age. At an early age, women are indispensable and as boys grow older their main affection is for their mothers and girlfriends. Their fathers always come second because he would rather spend more time at work, making money for the families than stay home and let the mothers go out and work. Now, some of the men are switching roles to house-dads.
Despite their lip service to men that stay home and help women out, their respect still goes for the traditional macho men that excite them at work, play and extra-curricular activities. Ladies are now crashing men’s clubs where women were traditionally barred. The law and community, in general, support the women against these exclusive clubs. Men claim it is the only sanctuary left that women have not invaded. But ladies claim it boosts business cronyism and girlfriends.
In fact, these clubs are not for men exclusively. Men bring in their girlfriends that drive their wives at home to vibrators. This raises the intriguing question of how many women can an average man satisfy while some women are being denied or staved of sex. It is either most of these men are sex machines or they are dividing their sexual prowess between two, three or more ladies. But if an average man cannot satisfy that many women, others and vibrators come to mind.
The worst offenders women complain about are weak men that prefer quickies or “wham bam thank you, ma’am”. This is unfair. In the first place, those happen where we are not supposed to have sex. Forbidden places are at work, at parties by the corner wall, in cars and too expensive dream islands, like the beach mat or some magic carpet. Please note that these places are from blind market surveys when men and women were asked for their fantasy places to have sex.
Ladies, at that point and time, claimed they enjoyed it. So it is not fair to come back and use the same survey answers against men they had the flings and college hook-up with. If women want a full service, they must do it at the appropriate place where the men could spend more time working on them. This is the best way to get satisfaction but some women want more rounds than the men are willing to give. So, women complain, again, that men always fall asleep.
In many cases, these men fall asleep when the ladies are just getting excited, ready for another round. It will be dishonest to claim all men fall asleep because some demand more, only for the women to let him knock himself out: staring at the ceiling wondering when he is going to get off. When the man asks how good he was; the lady always replied that he was a tiger!
How can you call a man a tiger in bed and then develop a relationship with vibrators? There are other factors involved, they claim. Men are not forthcoming as ladies wish and are not going to hang around until their golden age to get serviced. For older ladies, men their age are tired in bed. Many men have some problems after the age of 40 years. So they seek counsel from the bosom of younger ladies they can hardly satisfy. If men are well off, wives certify them as senile.
Instead of running after every Dick and Tunde like call-girls to satisfy their sexual urging, the women remain respectable in their bedroom and satisfy themselves with vibrators under their pillows or become cougars. The problem is they get used to non-stop vibrators on batteries or rechargers that have no blood running through them. They cannot cuddle or kiss vibrators.
There is much more to sex. Touching, nice wine over diner, teasing and flattering each other are part of the same ceremony of sexual pleasure to enhance longer climax. Women and men have to realize that you cannot make good love to partners that you detest, nag you to death or that crawl your blood. There has to be friendship, caring and anticipating; that will be missed when out of sight instead of excuses, wishing he or she never comes back alive and demanding sex.
The vibrator is a recent phenomenon. Counsellors advise men not to feel threatened by vibrators since men’s touch, warm body glide, pelvis adjustment, kisses, and caressing are missing in vibrators. Men should instead incorporate it into ladies sexual pressure if their ladies bring it up. If she mentions it, she is probably using it and wants to test your acceptance.
The good news is that when women were asked if they are getting enough sex, they say no; but would marry the same person again.